I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
