so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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