Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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