my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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