You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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