i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
