I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
