I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
