2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
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I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
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His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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