I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
