last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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