: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
