her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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