so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
