The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
