I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
