Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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