...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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