Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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