I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
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she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
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