PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
