I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
