I wanna passion pit in your ass
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
