she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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