I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize