I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
