i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
