I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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