I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
