Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
