I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Randomize
