there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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