OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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