just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Someone signed my nipple.
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