I wish my penis had an off switch
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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