I think I died a long time ago.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
