Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
