Someone shit on the floor
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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