3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
