also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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