I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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