I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
he fucked my hip out of place.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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