she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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