In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
