...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
