i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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