Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
