That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
