i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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