I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
