And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
