She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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