It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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