somebody snuck up and got me drunk
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
