Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
