The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
