theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize
