So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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