dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
