glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
