Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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