if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
