i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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