just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
