You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
