I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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