Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
