so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
