I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
