The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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