1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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