I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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