Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
